END OF HAMLET

All of the emotions in paper and pencil 

I reread and figured out Laertes cut Hamlet, then their swords got mixed up and Hamlet cut Laertes, so they both got poisoned. And still they all die. Horatio was a really good guy. 

I APPLIED

     It's one in the a.m. and I just submitted my first applications, in bulk. I applied to, and still am applying to, a ton of schools because I'm not sure what I want, oops.
     Within the last thirty minutes I sent applications to Cal Poly, CSU Channel Island, UCI, UCSB, UCSD, and UCLA! I felt sick sending them, honestly. I had a wrinkled forehead and a chest caving in. We'll see what happens.
     I sent a few ACT scores and I might have bought more than I need, oops again. I still have to send a lot more and SAT scores, too, because I'm applying to a bunch more.
     Private schools I'm going to see how it goes: Westmont, Pepperdine, Loyola Marymount and probably Cal Lu, possibly USC.
     Top choices, maybe Cal Poly, Westmont, UCSB. Not really sure, I'm going to see where the wind takes me.
   
  A post I made on Instagram and I thought of putting it here, too.

So I submitted my first college applications on a Friday night at 1 a.m. and have practice at 9. I'm at this point in my life where I'm going to leave and experience what the world has to offer in a few short months, but I still have to live the life I have right now. It's definitely a challenge and I don't know what day it is half the time, but I still want to have a memorable senior year. That's where 'here' is for me, how about you?

Hamlet Act V Scene I, II

Act V

Scene I

• in graveyard garden place

•does she, ophelia, go to heaven or not

•To act to do to perform- a performative utterance

•"custom hath made it in him a property of easness" he is desensitized 

•hamlet is talking to the grave digger about himself but the guy didnt know it 

•"alas, poor yorick! I know him, horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy"

•a lot of time, like years and years have passed. Hamlet is like 30 now but we have no straying age

•grandest among us can be made as humble as the lowest

•laertes and priest at the funeral

•hamlet and horatio in corners

•hamlet interrupts and is back!

•hamlet didn't know she was dead and really did love Ophelia

•"the dog will have its day"

Scene II

•in castle hall

•the king and laertes plan

•on the boat, hamlet found rose and guild, found king's orders, opened it, scheming, command to kill him

•hamlet wrote his own plan and replaced the king's orders

Hamlet Act IV Scene I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII

Act IV
Scene I

• Gertrude tattle tales to king that Hamlet killed polonius
• King tells Rose and Guild to go to Hamlet
• she says he's crazy
• "Both countenance and excuse" brush it off, they're going to play off the death like it was okay

Scene II

• Hamlet actually acts like a prince
• calls Rose and Guild sponges, very good insult
• hide polonius

Scene III

• King doesnt want people to ask why Hamlet is going away
• Hamlet now combines imperial, witty traits to respond to Claudius, he's more complex than nuisance 
• Clauduis is going to have Hamlet killed in England
• Hamlet is grown up, confident, cool, calm

Scene IV

• Hamlet has different ethos now
• in countryside, on his way to England
• with Fortinbras, captain, soldiers
• Captain- we're going to fight over something worthless
• Hamlet soliloquy #5
• inner cause
• he compares himself to the captain
• circumstances make it more difficult but want to more
• what's a man if he just sleeps and eats
• He has created us with purpose and intelligence
• now and future
• talks about procrastinating and hating himself
• hearing about the army reminds him of his action
• he makes himself miserable again
• benefit of not thinking and taking action
• the soldiers go do their jobs, why can't he- soldier thoughts in end

Scene V

• Ophelia is crazy
• Ophelia is singing to king and queen
• her dead father, love, other "love", she's hurt
• Claudius seeing sprouts of his problems from his actions
• ophelia cant be sad about it so she's being like this (since death is supposed to be covered)
• she wants laertes to know about it
• Laertes arrives and he's pissed, he'll revenge his father
• Upset at Hamlet!

Scene VI

• Letter to Horatio
• Hamlet isn't on his way to England, but Rose and Guild are

Scene VII

• Letters to Claud and Laetres reads, too
• Laertes will obey if he can kill
• Laertes swordmanship
• Kill Hamlet
• Will duel, setup, w/real sword, poisoned tip
• king will poison drink
• Oh Shakespeare setting up something that will go very very wrong
• ophelia drowned, killed herself

Fire Alarms, Lockdowns, and Senior Quotes

November 19, 2014 was a historic day for Righetti High School. 

Fire alarm got pulled literally right after first period. WORST TIMING EVER. Like if you're going to pull the fire alarm, do it five minutes after the next class starts so teachers can take attendance and not be flustered like today. You are bad at timing and I hope you get yourself right because  if you can't even break the rules right, good luck with the rest of your life. 

Senior quotes due today!

And let's move to the lockdown! Liz and I were in Mrs. Hunter's room when the bells rang ten minutes earlier. Then we were released because it "wasn't a real lockdown" which was a lie since we walked to the 100 block and were shuffled into the cafeteria. Everyone was on their twitters and snapchats! Social media made this thing boom and everyone saw videos, voiced their opinions, and made jokes about it all. Through the windows we could see the abundance of officials and officers talking to principals and walking in groups. The kids inside were even interviewing one another. We were there until 1:55pm and we had to be almost escorted out to the one available exit. Outside I found my brother and agreed to take Elizabeth and her brother home so we had to wait in front of the school for Samuel and he was still in a classroom. My practice got cancelled and tutoring, too, so Elizabeth and I could go to the water polo game. We drove down Foster to pick up Samuel who was coming back from the Yoyo. There were so many law enforcement personnel, some firefighters, a helicopter, very casual. So it's all over the Internet and everyone is so opinionated, it makes me very frustrated because there isn't going to be a solution to everything. It was a lot in one day, why it all happened, I don't know. HELLO. How can you do this to yourself? To your school? Parents of these students, what the heck? What makes you fight someone in general, let alone on campus in front of everyone? You are the kind of people that give this school a bad reputation and ruin a lot of things for the other students, like me and my friends or kids who are just trying to make it though high school. I think that this whole thing is going to cause tension on campus and in the community. I am watching Freedom Writers in ASB and it's so weird to kind of see the connections, a few here and there. I'm really disappointed and annoyed about this entire situation, and I hope it all blows over soon. 

"I'm Going to College" a novel, or a BINDER

College binder put together two weeks before the applications are due. Typical Victoria. Better late than never is my motto for the first semester of senior year. 

Yearbook

Casually spent about 13 hours at the computer working on the yearbook because deadline is Monday and today, yesterday because now it's am the next day, I wanted to get it done. I have been texting Shailynn for about five hours i'd say as we worked together bLong story short, there was miscommunication and nobody knew the vision that Shailynn and I had for the book so when it came to it, nobody's, about three of sixty, pages looked presentable so Shailynn and I took it upon ourselves to fix it all up- do the yearbook on our own. It might sound bad, or selfish, but we want a good book. And next comes the worse news, we have like no photos when we get to making the pages so the same people tend to be on many, many pages- IM SORRY. It's one of the goals we tried to have- no same person in all pics- we just didn't have any other options! But I hope it's better than last year's. That's the real goal here, and I know that it's not perfect and believe me, if I could make it perfect I would, but it's something. I'm pretty satisfied with what I was given and I hope the fall portion doesn't scare you away and you want to see the rest of the book

Four Day Weekend

I need to recall my weekend to see when I did what so I can see where I wasted time and wasn't productive and figure out how I can change that, also to remember that I had a good weekend and if anyone asks what I did ...

Friday:
(Elizabeth's 18th birthday) present, school, math collab, appointment, picked up both sisters, practice, water polo game, home, met Mary Ann, subway, "casually purchased concert tickets," Maze Runner (for the third time) fell asleep halfway through haha.
Saturday:
took Justin to practice at 8, yearbook stuff at 9, practice at 10, don't remember(maybe homework), worked on the common app, went to Jaymie's for a long time
Sunday:
7:30 mass, church breakfast, livestream, don't remember (possible homework), caught up on Red Band Society, listened to Jaymie's CD, referee training and was awkward but helpful, don't  remember
Monday:
Up too early, Panera math study group, SM library for homework, home for food, Amanda's game at Arellanes with the fam, dinner, family game of spoons, youtube, sleeeep
Tuesday:
Up early in a great way, homework, 8:30 practice, homework, I've been doing Hamlet-y stuff for hours
Rest of today:
HOMEWORK

Notes on "The Performative Utterance in William Shakespeare's Hamlet"

Here's the link for the actual paper... click me!

• sounds very familiar to the way we've been talking about Hamlet in class
• first paragraph is brilliant; I wish I had such sophisticated vocabulary, syntax,and diction
• performative language acts has the power to change
• locutionary=message
• illocutinary=what's done in being sid
• perlocutionary=achieved
• characters realize what they say and do and realize themselves through this
• how only words affect Hamlet and make him sad and guilty
• what words used,their authenticity, context used in, matter
• he tells the players to basically not "out Hamlet, Hamlet"
• performative utterance = say it but not mean it
• Polonius is a narrowminded, pre-man
• Hamlet is a character who possesses so much
• he can "construct himself"
• Claudius is in between Polonius and Hamlet
• In the end, Hamlet had to achieve faith, closure, and acceptance not take action
• After the first paragraph I realized that I'm not fluent in reading to this caliber and had a rough time understanding many parts 

In Class Discussion

• what is said creates things, reality
• Hamlet- self-overhearing
• expectation created by ghost- locutionary
• perlocutionary- effect of forces
• self fulfilling prophesy? Builds on how he's not sure about killing gets worse, feeling
• he goes from "it sucks" to "i sick"
• performative utterance about others, too
• ***if words are just words, why do they matter????
• words are more
• the ones to prove ^
• polonius- words, claudius- action
• motivated by passion
• selfish- claudius situational irony and sees that king's answer isn't be answer hamlet doesnt kill
• Hamlet actually loses his temper to gertrude
• compare/contrast to other times he didnt get mad
• sits and thinks-that's her punishment
• Hamlet's a threat
• Claudius goes from confident to guilty
• Hamlet from tortured and awful to more attitude, knowing, cocky
• chorus in play- stand to sing explanations
• good resource in a play 
• polonius and hamlet are kind of foils
• Hamlet gets mad because
• rush of killing, knowing he's right, confronting gertrude
• hold up a mirror "you go not till i set you up in a glass" to see her soul
• her panic started it all
• verbal daggers to gertrude
• hearing ourselves say something
• transforms words into actions (hamlet)
• lets out more words (polonius) as he dies, true to character
• hamlet has more integrity
• he's ready to kill Claudius
• the murder was a catalyst- "self overhearing"
• ghost still wants hamelt to have a realtionship with his mom
• hamlet tells gertrude not to tell Claudius 

Hamlet Act III Scene I, II, III, IV

Act III

Scene I

• Guildenstern and Rosencrantz telling king and queen about how they saw Hamlet. They see his “crafty madness” and “forcing disposition”
• By looking like we’re doing the right thing we can show everyone- Polonius and Claudius
• Claudius shows his guilt
• Ophelia being set up to get info from hamlet
• Hamlet talking to Ophelia, rejects her, it’s easier to be beautiful and dishonest than honest and following that. Sees this in his mom
• All people hamlet talks to have a motive
• Women corrupt men
• Word madness = crazy or actually angry
• Claudius and Polonius were listening
• Claudius sees that it wasn’t bec of love, it was a little jumbled, he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to him or Hamlet, he wants the potential problem removed (hamlet)
• Polonius to Claudius, after the play, have Gertrude talk to Hamlet and he’ll listen secretly

Scene II

• Hall in castle, players with Hamlet
• Hamlet directs the players to act naturally, But also make it genuine
• It’s so logically and specifically set up that hamlet cannot be crazy, he’s super smart
• Don’t improvise
• Hamlet explains the plan to Horatio
• Hamlet asks horatio to watch king as the play goes on to double check what he sees
• he trusts Horatio
• when people come in he tells horatio that he's gunna act weird, acts crazy to the king, polonius,and Ophelia (makes comments to)
• the play goes on and when the poison is poured in to the king's ear, Claudius yells for the lights to turn on and leaves, everyone going after him excpet hamlet and horatio

Scene III

• hamlet is escorted by polonius to Gertrude
• polonius goes to king and tels him that he's going to spy, king who had just asked guildenstern and rosenctrantz to immediately take hamlet to England
• the king is alone and is guilty. We get to see the king really express himself and what he feels, sin as old as cane and able, he is not willing to give up the crown, falls on ground to pray
• hamlet comes to take the life of the king but sees that he's praying,cant kill him bec then he'd go to heaven and that would defeat the whole revenge thing
• claudius's praying wasn't truthful and meaningful, so hamelt totally couldve killed him but it shows how hamelt thinks through his decsions

Scene IV

• hamlet goes back to the queen's room, polonius is hiding behind a curtain
• queen is upset at hamlet for disrepecting his father (claudius) and hamlet fires back with her disrepecting his father (hamlet)
• queen is freakin out a bit cause hamlet is tad upset and she's getting scared so she screams, then polonius is moving fro the curtain and hamlet just goes for it and stabs the guy with a sword in the body, killing him
• he didn't know it was polonius and after the queen makes a comment he calls her out for killing hamlet and marrying his brother
• so polonius is dead on the ground and gertrude and hamlet are still talking, he's mad at her and asking why she married such an awful person and shows her old hamlet next to claudius, she's seeing how bad she was and pleads for him to stop but he wont
• the ghost of Hamlet comes back, but only Hamlet can see him
• the queen thinks he's crazy
• the ghost reminds him that his job is to kill claudius and to make peace with gertrude, she cant see the ghost and thinks he's crazy still,even though hamlet tells her that he was faking being crazy and not to tell claudius (she's only sayin yes because she's still freaked from him going off on her)
• he's burdenend by the sin of killing polonius
• he ends up dragging his body from the room
• he has to go to england with rose and guild and knows that theyre not loyal to him

'To Be Or Not To Be' Breakdown and Performance

• To be the person that I want to be or just stay the same
• When you did/didn’t do something or anything changed your life
• Present or not/ responsible for yourself or not
• Take it all in or stand up for myself and end it
• Is that the way to endure? Discouraged, inconvenient
• Conquering external/internal struggles/troubles
• To die, to sleep, no more = no consciousness = no more awareness of problems
• If I could just have a quick fix solution
• Death of a character now, who/what’s left behind
• We don’t know what it’s going to be like after we make decisions
• Everything you do you have limited time, the man’s abuse, pride in speech, feelings not reciprocated, things taking so long when it should be quick, spurns (rejection/insults) that Hamlet’s enduring
• Metaphorically can end it all so soon: fardles (hard work) bear
• But he goes back, conscience
• Taking action gets delayed
• After I do anything- fear of not right now
• Orisons (prayers), remember me in your prayers, I’m going to do something bad, not sure if it’s right
• With this regard, things don’t get done

Performance Coming Soon...
Excuse my face and my voice and my mistakes and any other faults there are in this video, SORRY.

Actually I shouldn't have to apologize for anything, but I'm still self-conscious 

Wednesday 11/5/14

Update on my life at the moment. Good news today (one of top five in my class, still competitive for valedictorian), bad news today (I'm not sure how I can get everything done, at all, like at all at all, like excessive crying for two hours on a Wednesday crying unsure). Yeaaaaah. 

A 'It's November' Update (question mark, question mark, inverted question mark)

It has been well over a week since I last posted! I don't know how long it will be until I get back into the swing of this again- I've been so busy trying to handle things and get my self back together! It's November now and that means I have only a few weeks to finish college applications and I think we all know by now how far along I am with those. On the bright side I managed to earn myself a C- by progress report deadlines in AP physics and I can get my scholar athlete patch in tennis. Yay! Also, basketball has begun and I'm stoked, senior year should be a good time. I'm really hoping that my schedule can finally balance out. I have a plan of action for the week, will I be able to accomplish it all? Probably not, but I'm really, really hoping that I can. I just can't physically keep myself awake to get it all done anymore. It's Tuesday and my to-do list would take weeks to complete if I didn't even have nightly homework, but unfortunately I do, and unfortunately I have actual things that I do outside of come to class for however many hours. I still have complete confidence in myself that I'll get my act together. I'll leave it at that because I can already feel a counter-argument to that statement.