Sunday Night Thinking

That point, that awful point, where everything is going okay, you've got a plan, then it hits you- the tears, the stress, the confusion, anger, and you're done. I'm doing my math and I don't understand how to do it. I took my homework back to try to complete over the weekend and I don't get it. I don't want to ask questions in class on the easy ones because that wastes time. I feel one step behind in there and in physics. So I try two different problems and I'm working and trying different things and nothing is going to where it should, I have the answers to check. It's like i think i do util i have to do the homework and I'm not doing it right and i think I am and it's just a pile of pointless writing that I put my time and effort into that just turns out to be wrong. I just start crying. To add frosting on the cake, I'm sick with a cold and the running nose wouldn't stop. Every time I calmed down I would look at the textbook and cry some more. I haven't cried since the movie day and before that when I had that meltdown. I'm sitting there a hot mess. There is a point when I look to my right and see a college post card and cry even harder. Really not liking this whole college thing at the moment. I saw my calendar an hour ago and I guess October is in two days! That means November in thirty-one after that! I can't do it. Nope. Well I decided to switch subjects but I haven't actually started the next thing yet. I'm sitting here thinking that tomorrow when I go in at much for help in math I will just start crying in front of the teacher and it's going to be a big mess. I do not like how I don't understand things this year and school is so difficult. Why?! I feel like every class went up like ten notches and I'm drowning in it. For example, everyone says Econ is super easy but I'm so not seeing the cow, more responsibility and deadlines in ASB, and all around more difficult English, Calc, and new Physics will be the death of me. I am really not liking it, not one bit. If I can make it out of the year with my sanity that's a victory in itself. I was seriously doing so good about not crying over school and sleeping. This is just a little bump in the road. I'm fine. Just giving myself a little recap and pep talk, that's all. I'm going to finish English, attempt Physics to the best of my ability, hope that my computer works for the lab I haven't done yet, and just cross my fingers that I go to sleep at a decent hour along with somewhat completing homework.